NFL Owners Make Football Less Exciting at Meetings

Despite the already unpopular move of a lockout, NFL owners met in New Orleans this weekend for their annual "Let's Make the Sport Suck Convention."

Generally, I've at least understood some of the past rules changes. In fact, I've been okay with everything except for the rules involving the elimination of the quarterback as a football player (which with all the "safety" talk, I'm surprised there wasn't another condition under which defenders would be even more limited in their ability to do their job).

When the league banned players from using props or going to the ground during celebrations I rolled my eyes but didn't get mad. Yeah they're getting rid of some of the fun, but it was essentially unnecessary taunting and losing it didn't change the essence of the game.

When they eliminated wedges on kickoffs I scoffed, but understood that it was purely for the safety of players basically standing in one spot before getting slammed by a guy with a thirty yard head start.

But this time the owners went too far.

Under the guise of player safety, kickoffs will now take place at the 35 yard line instead of the 30. Why? What good does that do?

Say goodbye to saying goodbye.

People in Chicago literally hold their breath when a ball is slowly floating down into Devon Hester's hands. All bets are off. We could watch a guy run 250 yards for a 60 yard gain. It's more exciting than a last second hail mary or field goal attempt. It's more exciting than a Reggie Bush hand off or an Adrian Peterson screen play.

That excitement is now all but banished from the game. To what end?

All it does is drastically increase the number of touchbacks. Players will still get hurt on touchbacks. Just because the ball is bouncing in the aisles doesn't mean that during the five previous seconds, there aren't still twenty guys busting heads.

You know what it really does? It just makes those unfortunate injuries happen for no reason.

If a guy is going to snap his neck trying to block or break a block, he's going to do it in the first couple of seconds. Not at the end. Not after the returner catches the ball.

By the time Devon Hester catches a kickoff, there's usually at least two guys on the ground, five battles between blockers and potential tacklers as well as ten more guys about hit something really hard.

They have a job to do and that doesn't change until the whistle blows. On touchbacks, that whistle still won't blow until it's too late.

I know your argument already. "But Tony, the attackers only get a five yard head start instead of fifteen!"

I don't care. These athletes have perfected the art to get maximum speed in minimal time. Hitting someone with 1000 psi instead of 1200 doesn't make a vertebra less vulnerable to snapping. It doesn't make the ACL withstand an awkward hit.

These players will still get hurt.

They'll still get hurt when the guy in the third row drops his hot dog to catch a souvenir. They'll still get hurt when we hear the "Thwung!" of the ball hitting the goal post.

They just won't get hurt when guys like Hester or Josh Cribbs or Leon Washington make highlight reels. There won't be highlight reels.

Just touchbacks.

Madness 2011: Initial Reaction

The brackets are out. Did your team make it? Did your rivals'?

It's time to enter your pools and make one extra 5-12 upset than you're supposed to (admit it, it happens every year). Need help? Use my guide for those toss-up matches.

Here are my initial reactions and a few predictions headed into the first week of games.

 Teams I feel sorry for:

1. Massive apologies to Colorado and Virginia Tech. Maybe go to a holiday tournament next season and play some teams from another major conference.
2. I think the committee got Alabama and Alabama at Birmingham confused. Not sure what happened there.
3. Congrats to Ohio State. Your number one overall seed got you the number one overall hardest region. Your season-long effort of dominance won you the death draw.
4. Gonzaga fans are going to realize that, just like the last fifteen years, their favorite players are highly overrated. Listen, Mark Few is a great coach but he needs to get to a school that can attract players worth coaching. When is the Zag-fest going to end in this nation?

   

   Sorry, Coach. Reserving that seat will never fill it with a bigger trophy

Teams that got lucky:

1. Virginia Commonwealth and UAB both seemed to sneak into the tournament. Not really sure how they passed a couple of major-conference teams but hey.. they're in.
2. Dear Georgia: who did you pay off to get a ten seed? Somebody check AJ Green's locker.
3. Despite losing in the quarterfinals of the Big East tournament and losing at home to Notre Dame (who ended up with the same conference record), Pittsburgh got a number one seed. But it doesn't end there. They also got the easiest region. Completely baffling.
4. The Big Ten in general. I don't know what makes people think that outside of Ohio State, Purdue and Wisconsin you still have solid programs left. Michigan State struggled through a very tough schedule but Penn State, Illinois and Michigan did virtually NOTHING to make this tournament. Coming out slightly on the top half of an extremely mediocre conference should be enough to get good seeds in the NIT.
5. Don't laugh Pac Ten fans. This goes for you too but with absolutely no heavyweights.

Predictions:

Newark: Where geese commit suicide

1. The Big East will get at least five sweet sixteen teams (more than the ACC got into the entire field).
2. On a related note, the SEC will not have a single team in the sweet sixteen.
3. Long Island will give CBS a reason to cut to their game.
4. There will be only one top-seeded team in the final four.
5. The results of the East region will be the best thing to come out of Newark. Ever.
6. Tuesday and Wednesdays games on TrueTV will have absolutely terrible ratings. Maybe we can put the games on Oprah's new network next year to hide the embarrassing expansion even more.
7. I'm by no means the first to bring this up, but it's a tragedy that Purdue and Notre Dame, an hour's drive from each other will travel well over 1,000 miles away to play in the sweet sixteen. Northern Indiana bars, however, will get quite rowdy.
8. The final four will be extremely entertaining. The three games will be decided by a total of fourteen points. Heard it here first.
9. We're all going to thoroughly enjoy this tournament. There's maybe only one or two truly elite teams. There's probably ten really good teams. Then there's the rest of the field. Wide open.

Remember guys, the minute you give someone 20 bucks and a bracket, it's no longer your money. Try to enjoy the tournament anyway.

And as always, tip your bartenders.

Bracket-busting for Dummies

It's that time of year. The ESPN networks are inundated with Jay Bilas and Joe Lunardi and that weasel Doug Gottleib. It's the one time of year we care about Sam Houston State and Belmont and Indiana State.

Kelly green looks good on everyone!

Dick Vitale's doctor is constantly on-call and Digger Phelps buys at least ten more ugly ties.

It's March Madness. It's sports heaven.

It's bracket time.

It's the time of year that every guy and a lot of awesome ladies (I know Texie falls in this category) has random ten- and five-dollar bills in their pockets on the off chance someone has a bracket pool going.

It's the time of year where somehow your best friend's girlfriend gets second place "because tigers wearing purple could never beat a black and red bearcat," (Which is true.. LSU sucks).

So what are the secrets? How does one win? Here's the no-guarantee, fool-proof way to (possibly) win your brackets.


Rule One: Make sure you go game by game. 

Picking the champion and then making your bracket fit accordingly is just ridiculous. Each match-up is unique and needs proper attention. You can't pick Pittsburgh to go to the Final Four if you don't even know who they'll play in the Sweet Sixteen.

Start with day one, top left. Work your way straight down. Move to the top right. Work your way straight down. Move to day two and repeat.

Try to make your winners fit the bracket. Not the other way around.

Rule Two: Ignore your alma mater.

I can't emphasize this one more. You know what I'm not doing this year? Picking Notre Dame to win the championship. You know what my friend Pete shouldn't do? Pick Purdue to win the championship.

The reason for this is three-parted:

1. Your favorite team probably isn't nearly as good as you think it is. It's just that simple.
2. Getting second place in your pool but watching your favorite team surprise you and win the tournament anyway is priceless. At least I assume it would be. It's win-win.
3. It's never good to have heart and finances riding on one game. It's why people have strokes and gambling problems.

On the other side, you should also not pick against teams who you consider even remotely close to rivals. You know why? They're probably way better than you think they are. Ask me again why I never make money off of Syracuse.

Rule Three: Rock beats scissors. Gut beats brain.

To be bluntly honest, sometimes your gut is smarter than your brain. Especially if you watch a lot of college basketball. You'll sit there and stare at a twelve-seeded Michigan State vs. five-seeded Xavier (a possible first round according to Lunardi).

You'll say to yourself, "Never bet against Tom Izzo in the tournament...but Xavier pushes for the sweet sixteen every year!..Michigan State is due and I always pick a twelve-seed to upset a five."

You know what? Stop talking to yourself. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Michigan State sucks this year and you know it.

Remember, sometimes it's not "too obvious."

Rule Four: Globetrotters trump Bangers.

Also known as the Big East vs. the ACC rule, it basically says that the NCAA prefers its basketball to be fast-paced and completely non-physical. When filling out your bracket, remember that odds are, most Big East, and other physical, teams will not be able to adjust to the fluid, sissy style of basketball that NCAA referees seem to prefer in the tournament.

Rule Five: Some trends rarely, if ever, change.

Here are a list of things that I've noticed are as much a staple of the NCAA tournament as hearing "One Shining Moment":

How do you not give calls to this pretty face?

• There will, in fact, be at least one twelve-seed to upset a five-seed. Since 1985 and the beginning of the 64 team tournament, the five-seed is a mere 69-35 against the twelve-seed (66.35%).
• It's true, you shouldn't bet against Tom Izzo in the tournament.
• At least one mid-major (at best) team will make the sweet sixteen. If you have a hunch that Richmond can make it to the second weekend, you're probably still wrong. It'll be Belmont just to make you mad.
• Referees will be responsible for at least ten points a game for certain teams: Syracuse, Duke, North Carolina, Kentucky and Kansas (among others) will receive gift calls throughout the tournament. It's just the way it is.
• Mid-majors who receive top-four seedings are always disappointments. Butler last year was a rare exception.
• In a related trend, Gonzaga sucks. Mark Few cannot coach in the tournament. They've been overrated for a decade now and never stop disappointing their fans.
• And every year, without exception, I remember what a completely terrible song "One Shining Moment" is. I mean seriously, it's awful.

Rule Six: Have fun.

The basketball gods know when you take these things too seriously and they will do anything to get you committed into a psych ward.

Relax. Breathe.

And good luck.