Let the Games Begin

February 23rd, 2011. A day that will live in infamy.

Okay, that's a stretch but the gauntlet has been thrown nonetheless. On that fateful Wednesday evening in the basement of a local eatery, two great minds collided in a battle wits matched only by the showdown in Florin.  Man vs. Woman. Strength vs. Speed. Glen Livet vs. Texie Guinan.

The goal: Create the best ten-athlete roster from yesterday and today.

The rules:

1. Teams will consist of ten athletes drafted by each of us.
2. One athlete per sport. If an athlete plays multiple sports, you must declare that sport (i.e.- Deion Sanders can play baseball or football, not both)
3. At least one female athlete. I thought this would be tough but I realized the advantages of having a smaller frame running around out there.
4. Only one dead athlete. It just makes the discussion easier.
5. The teams will be based in a fantasy sports world. A "computer" will spit out a sport to which each team must adapt. This could range from football to curling to rhythmic gymnastics.
6. Two coaches will also be chosen. These will be the assistants working for the drafter.

So there we sat. A piece of paper and a pen on the table. A beer and a whiskey in front of us. Texie is first.

Surprising to most, but not to me, Texie's first pick is Jim Thorpe (most girls probably think Jim Thorpe is a John Wayne character or something). Couldn't pick a better number one star. For some reason, despite the fact that it isn't in the rules, I decided I also had to pick from the track: Jackie Joyner-Kersee. As a heptathlon competitor, I figured it was a nice well-rounded female pick. No Thorpe, of course, nor a great first round draft pick but if you're going to blow it, might as well blow it on Sports Illustrated for Women's choice as the greatest female athlete of all time, right?

Second round. She takes Jim Brown. My eyes raise up. An interesting pick. A tremendous runningback, sure, but to my knowledge he never really strayed from the realm of the gridiron. Not like my response: Frank Thomas. Thomas was a pretty good footballer in his own right, excelling at tight end for Auburn. Naturally I took him as a baseball player, but to get that kind of size and skill was invaluable to me.

Third round. Michael Phelps. Shit, I dropped the ball on that one. One of the greatest olympians of all time. A long body with tremendous endurance and lung capacity, Phelps would be a great asset in a variety of sports. My counter? Patrick Roy. Yeah, seven rounds too early and I paid for it. You'll see why in the next paragraph.

Really Texie?? You took Mohammed Ali? Dammit. Size, speed and balance? Power and quickness? Okay..I'm taking Tiger. Eventually your guys will have to use some form of hand-eye coordination and between Tiger and the Big Hurt I think I have you there.

And then Pele. Now personally I don't think soccer is a sport, but I will admit at least that many soccer players are good athletes much the same way a distance runner is. Pele was the best of all time in a "sport" that requires a lot of agility and endurance. I responded with what was actually a tough decision for me. I wanted either Sugar Ray Robinson or Sugar Ray Leonard. I went with Leonard. It's a huge debate as to who the "pound-for-pound" best fighter is and I don't know much about boxing. I went with the guy who fought in my lifetime.

Now is when Texie started falling apart. Any good sports fan knows that drafts are won in the late rounds and I believe I have that edge. She picked her favorite athlete of all time, Steffi Graf. Listen, I'm fine with saying she's the greatest female tennis player. She might have been. But would I want a female tennis player without the Williams sisters' steroids? I don't know. I countered with Michael Vick. Vick might be one of the most gifted athletes to ever play in the NFL. Maybe not the greatest passer or the fastest runner. Maybe not the smartest quarterback, either, but one thing you can't take away from him is his ability to lead a team and make plays with his eyes, arms and feet. I want that on my team.

Now she takes Bonnie Blair. I don't now what to say about her other than the fact that she might have the largest thighs on either team. This is when I play a wild card. I want a bad boy. A rule-breaker. I want Dennis Rodman. The Worm wasn't picked for his ability to rebound. He was picked to dig into opponents' brain and throw them off their game. I can't tell you how many times I watched all-stars and hall-of-famers crumble on the court due to his antics.

Texie now went with the ProStars approach. Back-to-back picks from the 90s cartoon, beginning with Bo Jackson. Now..we're taking these players in their prime, so I suppose his bionic knees aren't in play here. I just think it's funny she had to take the antithesis of Frank Thomas (better football player, worse at baseball..both from Auburn. Weird.). Maybe a wasted pick for me, I took Mia Hamm. I wanted another woman to counter her two women, and I figure if I had to pick a soccer player, it might as well be a chick. That's about all.

How it took us nine rounds to take His Airness, I don't know, but Texie completed her pair of ProStars with Michael Jordan. I'm still not certain I'm mad though. I'm not sure I'd want him and Tiger on the same team. I just don't see them getting along and they'd probably go off and start gambling on golf before a late breakfast at Perkins to check out the service staff. I brought out my favorite tennis player here, and as ironic fate would have it, I took Steffi's husband, Andre Agassi. No one does camera commercials like Agassi and I'll take his serve in case a doubles tennis match shows up.

I suppose if you like a small frame combined with speed, balance, agility and power, you'll like Texie's final pick: Nadia Comaneci. Hard to argue other than I'm not sure I'd want three women on my squad. Take her instead of Bonnie Blair and I'm on your side. And while we're in gymnastics arena, I'm taking Paul Hamm. I'm not sure why, I think it's because he's funny and I really respect what male gymnasts can do with that much muscle and flexibility. It's insane.

Next up were the coaches. I so win this. The greatest American philosopher, who apparently loved to coach basketball is the obvious first pick. What athlete wouldn't want to play for John Wooden? No one can touch his pedigree or the respect held by his peers and players and family and friends and strangers and fans and..well..everyone. I need an X's and O's guy, too, though. I need an innovative mind with a proven track record. I want Bill Walsh, the father of the west coast offense. Yes. That will do.

Texie's coaches aren't bad either. Not sure I'd take Lou Holtz like she did, but damned if he isn't one of the greatest motivators of our time, if not all of time. People love and respect that little bugger and the gods know that no referee or umpire would want to cross him. Her second pick was perfect. I knew who she needed for her list of prima donnas and egos, and she nailed it: Phil Jackson.

I win. I know I win. She doesn't have the size or speed that my team possesses. Sure she has balance and agility and maybe quickness but not all of the events are done with a pommel horse or rings.

In the future you'll see articles discussing our teams match ups in regards to specific sports. This is just the first part of what will be many, many blogs, I'm sure.

Enjoy. Discuss. Critique.

Let the games begin.